Tag...You're It!

Tagging people in Facebook photos can add a lot of interest and fun for you and your friends. The act of tagging sends the photo to the identified person's wall too, allowing it to be seen by all of their friends, friends of friends, etc. The more people tagged, the more walls the post or image will appear on. But how much fun would it be if someone tagged you in a really offensive photo that you weren't even in?

A couple of weeks ago I was browsing my Facebook page, scrolling down through a wide variety of updates related to kids, dinner, music videos and, of course, the daily inspirational quotes and affirmations, etc. when I landed on a really gross picture. Not being a person who experiences the queasy feeling very often, you'll have to trust that this picture was exceptionally offensive. How did it land in my newsfeed? Somebody tagged one of my friends who wasn't even in the picture.

Turns out, without even realizing it, I managed to make the matter worse by placing a comment on the picture with the intent to notify both the tagger and friend how offensive I thought it was. My comment then appeared in the Facebook news ticker. Imagine my surprise and dismay when that same gross photo landed in my newsfeed again when another friend shared it from the news ticker.

I think it's really rude when people post intentionally offensive material online. And more outrageous is tagging people who are unaware it's even happening. In the virtual world - do you know who your friends really are? Honestly - all 600+ of them? Can you trust that none of them will cause you harm and embarassment? You might want to reconsider the Timeline and Tagging options in your Facebook Privacy Settings. If my experience doesn't convince you, maybe this will:

Excerpt from Facebook FAQ's regarding tagging:

Please keep in mind that the person who uploaded a photo chooses the audience for that photo. If other people are able to view photos you are tagged in, then it is because the owner of the photos has most likely set the privacy of the photo album so that everyone can see the photos in it. While there is the option to block people from viewing the "Photos of" section on your own profile (timeline), there is no way to restrict the visibility of a photo that you didn't upload.

Click here to read the entire Privacy for Tagged Photos information.

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Your Password & Your Privacy

Recently there has been a buzz building about the fact that some employers are asking job applicants to disclose their Facebook password as another tool to better identify who will be a good fit for both the company and the available position. Two U.S. Senators have called for an investigation over the legality of the practice. (Fox News: Senators call for federal probe over employers asking for Facebook passwords)

At the very basic level, asking prospective or current employees for passwords is disturbing because everybody knows that passwords themselves are supposed to be private, let alone the information they are supposed to protect. If the applicant is like me and uses just a handful of different passwords for all online activities, divulging the password to one site could be the same as giving access to many more. The employer would then have access to not only my social media sites, but also my bank accounts, medical records, online shopping history and so much more. And when and if the company's security policies are breached, my very identity is at risk.

Let's set aside those concerns for a moment and take a look at something more curious - Facebook's statement:

"We don't think employers should be asking prospective employees to provide their passwords because we don't think it's the right thing to do. While we do not have any immediate plans to take legal action against any specific employers, we look forward to engaging with policy makers and other stakeholders, to help better safeguard the privacy of our users."

Let's face it, that last comment could almost be funny. Everyday Facebook is encouraging us to share more and more information with more and more people. How Facebook uses that information and their own privacy terms have been the source of much concern and discussion. Now we're supposed to buy the fact that Facebook's intent is "to help better safeguard the privacy of our users"?  Facebook and privacy are not synonymous - users should not be looking to Facebook for protection.

Add in the fact that every U.S. citizen is required to have a Social Security number that is routinely used as identification for everything from tax returns to credit reports, and I wouldn't look to government as being the best defenders of anybody's private information either.

So what can we do? Though it can be a never-ending struggle to manage our information, there are a few simple things we can all do to safeguard our own privacy while we let our legislators and policymakers try to play keep-up with the ever-changing world of technology:

• Don't ever give out passwords
• Use different passwords on different sites and change them often
• Limit the amount of personal information shared - both online and off

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Vaguebooking

 

According to the Urban Dictionary Vaguebooking is an intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to ask what's going on, or is possibly a cry for help. I had no idea this word even existed, but must admit it's perfect to describe a specific syndrome! Some examples:

You really hurt my feelings.

I'm really mad.

He'll never do that to me again.

Not again.

Pray for me.

I can't take this anymore.

All of these comments could be referencing trivial things or really serious matters. We don't know if you're mad because your roommate ate the last bag of popcorn or if your wallet was stolen. Not again - I'm thinking that's the dog scratching to be taken out. Hopefully it's not your spouse coming home drunk ready to pick a fight. I can't take this anymore could be a reference to the weather or a serious cry for help, but we'll never know if you don't fill in the details. Pray for me sounds like something that has a potentially very serious outcome, like being tested for cancer. All I can say is it better be serious or you'll be praying your friends forgive you for taking advantage of their kind hearts.

If you have something you really need to share, then share it. All of it. Anything less looks like a fishing expedition for attention. The issue just gets magnified if the poster responds to well-intentioned inquiries as to what is going on with: "I can't say anything about it right now."  Here's some simple advice: if you can't say anything about it right now, then don't say anything about it right now.

It can be really cruel to leave your friends in the uncomfortable position of knowing something is bothering you and then not providing them enough information so they know how important the matter really is. Do it to them enough times and you just might find you don't have that many friends anymore.

When I encounter a vaguebook post I tend to try to read between the lines as to it's hidden message. I can come up with some pretty interesting scenarios with the vivid imagination I have. Usually after I've worried about whether I should call the person or call 911, I just call it a day and turn off my computer. My rationale: if they were really in trouble - they'd be on the phone with somebody and not on Facebook! 

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Don't Judge Me

Since we were little kids most of us have worked really hard to "fit in". We live in fear of being judged, in one way or another, as unacceptable. The word judgement conjurs up defensive feelings, though it is the very tool we use to make decisions. We judge hot and cold, good and bad, fast and slow, and the one that gets us the most is the "right from wrong" - particularly if we think we're being judged as wrong.

The fear of judgement could arise from something as trivial as whether it is okay to wear white before Memorial Day and after Labor Day. But, be honest - even though that rule supposedly no longer applies, are you like me and still won't break it for fear someone will question it? Uh-huh, I knew I wasn't alone.

Ever felt like you needed to hide the fact that you were eating something totally unhealthy like a quick snack of Twinkies and a Diet Coke? Was it really guilt or more likely you didn't need to be judged?

Judgement is everywhere regarding matters big and small. While we can laugh off the small stuff, we really get our hackles up if people even attempt to question how we handle the more important parts of our lives like relationships, money, childrearing, careers, etc. Though we say "I won't judge you, so don't judge me" - it never works out as simply as that. We all love it when we're judged favorably and have all felt the sting and outrage when someone questions our actions. In reality, there's no escaping being judged but there is one very simple way to mitigate it.

Limit the amount of personal information shared. This is particularly important with regard to online interactions on Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc. It always surprises me when people post a ton of personal information and then get upset when someone offers unwelcome advice. They are being unrealistic when they defend themselves with tirades about how their posts are private and nobody else's business. Some even go so far as to claim that it is the reader's responsibility to stop reading if they don't like what was written. Is that the same as "I should stop listening if I don't like what I'm hearing?"

We all have to take ownership for what we write online. If we don't post it, nobody can read it. If we don't share it, nobody can judge it.

I have a "friend" who posts constantly about the troubles and hardships of her life. I don't know if she's looking for pity or praise for how well she seems to cope despite her hardships but I'm sure she'll welcome either one. The rare times someone offers up a suggestion about how she could change things, she gets defensive and tells people to quit judging her. Is this the point where we're all supposed to stop reading?

I wonder what these drama queens think when people don't comment on their posts, which is usually the case. I'm afraid they probably think everyone cares and supports them in their ordeals, when in reality it's more likely the readers are dismayed at being privvy to more information than they care to know. The result will be judgement, even if it's only of the "Why do you tell us so much?" kind.

The best advice is to read and re-read everything you write with an eye on how other people could interpret it. If people could misinterpret your intent or something could reflect poorly on you, resist the urge to post about it at all. And when it comes to really personal things, keep it private by keeping it offline. (Read the previously-posted article on this topic: Keep it Off the Wall.)

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Profile Photo Phobia

Don't confuse profile photo phobia with photophobia which is light sensitivity of the eyes. The photo phobia I'm talking about is the fear of posting a profile image that is a reasonable likeness of yourself. Businesses have logos and people have photos, when on social media sites it's your personal image we are looking to see.

We were all greeted with the white silhouette on blue background when we first opened our Facebook account. Fortunately, nearly everyone changes it to something more personal. Believe it or not, I've got a couple of friends who have been on Facebook for 3+ years who are still showing that pale white head with the swirly top that reminds me of soft-serve ice cream everytime I see it.

Pets seem to be the most popular stand-in for their camera shy owners. Second place goes to the kids or grandkids followed by the miscellaneous category that can be just about anything like cars, flowers, cartoon characters, etc. As many businesses know, the internet is a wonderful way to brand their company. Like businesses, people should consciously craft their self image as their own personal brand. Everyone wants to represent themselves in the best light possible. A good profile picture is the first place to start.

The evolution of digital photography has turned everyone into a photographer. Though that's not always a good thing, chances are you've been captured on several cameras dozens of times in the past year. If you need a new profile picture, collect the shots that include you and select the one you like the best. Crop it down to a headshot and post it to your profile.

A professional photographer will always provide great results, if you don't know one, ask your friends for a referral. If that's too formal, consider asking a good friend to take some casual shots for you.

Resist the urge to take your own pictures with your cell phone. The inability to get your camera any further than your arm's length away will result in an oddly composed photo. There is almost nothing funnier than the smug shot of a guy with the glare of the flash bouncing off his bathroom mirror. Yes, we know you were hamming it up in the bathroom all alone with your camera!

Most of us cringe at the idea of having our picture taken. We're certain that we are not photogenic and pictures of us always look horrible. The real problem is we can't see ourselves as objectively as everyone else does. But remember, everyone else does see us just the way we are everyday. And that's the person they're looking for when they log onto their social media accounts. Smile and give us your best shot!

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KISSES for Everyone

There are so many variations on the KISS principle. It is commonly used as an acronym for "keep it simple, stupid. Wikipedia lists other variations like: "keep it short and simple", "keep it simple sir", "keep it simple or be stupid", "keep it simple and straightforward" or "keep it simple and sincere." I am sure there are even more variations in use. As far as social media is concerned, let's take it a step further by making it plural: KISSES - Keep it simple, stupid & engage socially.

Have you ever noticed how many people are obviously lurkers on your social media sites but never leave any comments or posts of their own? You know they're there because when you actually talk to them they already know all of your "what's new with you" responses. Because these people are routinely logging onto the sites and taking the time to read the updates, I'm not buying into their argument that they don't have time for Facebook, Twitter and other social sites. So why don't they post any updates of their own? I'm going to assume it's because they're confused about what to post, or they think their lives are too dull to share. Let's help them out by offering KISSES.  

Keep it Simple - Talk to friends on social sites the same way you would in person. Say hello, tell us what brings joy to your world. Take a look at the types of posts you enjoy reading and share the same kind of things. Went to a new restaurant and liked it? Tell us about it. Read a book or saw a movie that inspired you? Share it. Suffered through the agony of watching your favorite sports team lose another game? Using the old adage "misery loves company" you could post about it and see who shares the disappointment with you.

Use Stupid as a synonym for fun. If you saw something that made you laugh, share it. The main purpose people visit social media sites is entertainment.

Engage Socially - come out from behind the giant floor plant in the corner and join the party. We've all had friends who like to talk about themselves. They'd have you believing they're the most important people in the room. They aren't. In reality, they're just more comfortable at the art of smalltalk. Good friends will stop talking to hear what you have to say. When that happens you have the basis for a conversation, thus engagement and interaction. When you talk, people listen. When you comment and post, people read.

The rule of "engage socially" isn't limited to the timid lurkers. It also applies to the people who plaster the newsfeeds with countless updates and pictures about every detail of their lives without ever acknowledging anybody else's existence. That's a surefire way to lose friends and followers in both your online and real lives.

It's simple, join in the conversation, engage and interact, there's enough room in the pool for everybody. KISSES for everyone and one last note to the lurkers: c'mon in, the water's fine!

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You Make Me Sick!

Whenever I can, I greet the day with breakfast, a chai tea latte and the daily news. Though I've always loved spreading the newspapers out across the breakfast table, these days I find I spend more time checking online resources and following the trails of interconnected links. Oftentimes my first stop is Twitter followed by a check-in with my 'friends' on Facebook. 

I find it really offensive to read status updates about how sick somebody is, particularly early in the day. It's bad enough when adults detail their sniffles, headaches, aches and pains as if they're rehearsing for the "you've got to believe me, I'm really sick" call to the boss. But it seems parents of young children feel we all need to know how often the poor kid was up the previous night along with the exact number of times and which body part sent them running to the toilet. It's a sure fire way for me to lose my appetite for breakfast.

A close cousin of this topic is medical test updates that seem to come out of left field. Imagine reading this update: "My cervix looks good, but they want to keep an eye on it". Conjurs up some interesting images doesn't it? Just how are 'they' going to keep an eye on a cervix? On the one hand you might want to ask what the problem was that this update seems to answer, but the fear is that you'll actually be treated to an even more graphic response.

In polite society we're told to not discuss repugnant things at the table when someone is eating. Should the people who post graphic and gross descriptions of body functions and illness be held to the same rule? One could say that they have no way of knowing when any of us will be sitting down to eat or merely munching on a snack, but that is the very reason they should show consideration before posting unnecessarily graphic updates.

A good rule-of-thumb would be, if what you want to say is not appropriate for the dinner table, then it is not appropriate for social media either, at any time, food or no food. Illness, medical tests and all the related angst and anxiety is part of everyday life, and sharing what happens in our lives is the part we like the most about 'social' media. But this is one time that 'less is best'. Keep it simple - something like "I'm not feeling good today" or "I've got a sick child" will suffice. And my stomach will be a lot more settled too.

Have a topic you'd like to see discussed on Simply Squirrel Food? Send me an email I'd love to hear from you.

Politics & Facebook Don't Mix

Uncertainty about the economy and the future leaves most people feeling uneasy. Add in the complexities of managing family life and work, and it's easy to see why we so eagerly seek the diversions of relaxation and entertainment. The possibilities are plentiful, from long-anticipated vacations, watching a movie or sporting event to just stealing a few moments to check in on Facebook. Anything that delivers the promise of fun, big or small, is welcome.

We are mightily annoyed by anyone who disrupts our plans to have fun. Politics is not fun. We go on vacation to get away from the daily grind, politics has nothing to do with it. We go to movies and sporting events for the brief respite they offer not expecting to deal with anything political. Likewise, many of us are not expecting to encounter political angst when we log-on to interact with friends on Facebook.

Things really get heated up in election years, and no election brings out the polarization like a Presidential one can. It seems people are more cemented in their positions than even the candidates whose success will be determined by how proficient they are at appealing to the majority. Party-endorsed smear campaigns are mostly ignored when they appear in mainstream media like television, radio and newspapers. But they are really unwelcome and offensive when posted to our newsfeed by our Facebook 'friends'.

What is it these friends expect to accomplish by engaging in these tactics? Perhaps they assume that all of their friends agree with them. If that were truly the case, the posts would be pointless. Could they really be arrogant enough to believe that they can convert the undecideds and wayward thinkers by expounding on the perceived insanity of the opposing candidates and parties? Maybe they just think they're so smart and doing us all a favor by making the decisions on the candidates because we aren't intelligent enough to think for ourselves.

Politics is serious business and electing good leaders is not only a fundamental right, but a responsibility not to be taken lightly. Every citizen of voting age should evaluate the candidates and their positions carefully before casting their votes. The election process and varied media outlets provide ample resources to stay informed on the most important issues and where each candidate stands on them. We don't need Facebook or our friends to be a political information resource.

Believe what you believe, support the politicians you choose, but remember that all of your friends will not always agree with your viewpoint. In fact, many of them will never agree. When it comes to politics, look for like-minded individuals on forums and websites that have been expressly created for the exchange of political opinions, or consider getting involved in the political process at the local level. People may even welcome what you have to say there.

You can prevent being frozen out by your friends and avoid the cold and desolation of polarized politics by not posting political cartoons, captions, commentary, etc. on Facebook. Leave the political world behind for a few minutes and join your friends for something more fun.

Have a topic you'd like to see discussed on Simply Squirrel Food? Send me an email, I'd love to hear from you.

Social Media Rants: Free Speech or Harassment?

Freedom of speech is a fundamental right of all Americans. We are proud of the right and quick to reference it anytime someone questions what we write or say. But does the right to say whatever we want give us the right to be heard? How do we balance free speech against the right to be free of slander, defamation and harassment? Is there a difference between what we say to a friend in person vs. what we post on social media sites? Recently, a judge in Ohio weighed in on a case of a man accused of harassing his estranged wife on Facebook. For complete story see Ohio Man Faces Facebook Apology or Jail Time.

The brief version of the story is a judge ordered a man to make daily Facebook apologies to his estranged wife for a month or face jail time as punishment for making Facebook posts deemed to be harassing and threatening. This seemingly straightforward court order is anything but, now the man is appealing the ruling arguing it violates his freedom of speech.  

Complicating the matter is the question of whether a judge can order someone to communicate a message to others that is in opposition to what that person really thinks and feels. I expect that means the man is not only standing behind his free speech rights to post what he wants on Facebook, but included in the right is protection from being ordered to say something you don't want to say. I find it all very interesting and look towards reading how it all plays out.

I like to think judges are exceptionally smart people. They are tasked with the duty to uphold justice and protect rights in each and every case brought before them. I question if the judge in this case ever intended to open this can of worms. He had to know that ordering apologies would not make the man remorseful, but I think he knew the unusual order would likely make the news. And by being in the news, a message is being sent to a broader audience that the right to free speech is not the same thing as the right to harass someone.

What is your take on this story? How do you think it will play out?